I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
-- Groucho Marx (Duck Soup)
All I've ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work.
-- Steve Martin (Bilko)
Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.
-- Woody Allen (Annie Hall)
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic and so am I.
-- Bill Murray (What about Bob)
You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
-- Mike Myers (Austin Powers: Goldmember)
You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music.
-- Jim Carrey
Bastard Son of Barney! Die! Die, stuffed ball of fluff! Illegitimate Teletubbie! Die, you Muppet from hell! Die, you foam motherf**cker.
-- Robin Williams (Death to Shmoochy)
It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.
-- Dan Aykroyd (The Blues Brothers)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly!
-- Eddie Murphy (Shrek)
The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses.
~ Boris Grushenko (Woody Allen) in "Love and Death"
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.
~ Jessica Rabbit (Kathleen Turner) in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"
Old age. It's the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don't look forward to being cured of.
~ Bernstein (Everett Sloane) in "Citizen Kane"Scarecrow
(Ray Bolger): I haven't got a brain... only straw.
Dorothy (Judy Garland): How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know... But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking... don't they?
Dorothy: Yes, I guess you're right.
~ "Wizard of Oz "
Reporter: Tell me, how did you find America?
John Lennon: Turned left at Greenland.
~ "A Hard Day's Night"
Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
~ President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) in "Dr. Strangelove"
Clarice (Jody Foster): If you didn't kill him, then who did, sir?
Lecter (Anthony Hopkins): Who can say? Best thing for him, really. His therapy was going nowhere.
~ "Silence of the Lambs"
You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
~ Groucho in "Duck Soup"