“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”
-Matt Groening, "Life in Hell"
“Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but let's just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Good things don't end in 'eum,' they end in 'mania'...or 'teria'.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“How could you?! Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I can't believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I'll keep it short and sweet -- Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I'm a level 5 vegan, I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“If it doesn't have Siamese twins in a jar, it is not a fair.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel.”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
“What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?”
-Matt Groening, The Simpsons
4 comments:
One thing I don't really get, Matt Groening didn't say any of this stuff, or even write it. "The Simpsons" writers did. Matt Groening only created the show, he didn't write it. So shouldn't the title be The Simpsons Qoutes? Just a suggestion
yeah, i agree. sure, he invented the show but it was the animators, writers and producers who wrote those quotes, even if he came up with the famous cathphrases, like 'd'oh!!' (from laurel and hardy) 'aye carumba!!' (kids in matt's neighbourhood used 2 say this) etc.
My personal favorite comes from Grandpa: "You remind me of a poem that I don't know, a song that may not even exist, and a place I'm sure I've never been to"...or something like that.
It would be much more interesting if the quotes were like who (which character) said them in the show.
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