Monday, October 30, 2006

One liners(R)

• Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.
-Scott E. Roeben


• Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin- it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

-S. J. Perelman


• Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies.
-Adrienne Gusoff


• I'm definitely claustrophobic. I have a morbid fear of tight spaces. Thankfully, with my girlfriend, I'll never have a problem with that.
-Scott E. Roeben


• I am skilled at the art of love. I just wish I had a bigger paintbrush.
-Scott E. Roeben


• I guess you could call me a polygamist. Sometimes I switch hands.
-Scott E. Roeben


• A man must be potent and orgasmic to ensure the future of the race. A woman only needs to be available.
-Masters and Johnson


• An erection at will is the moral equivalent of a valid credit card.
-Alex comfort


• A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you.
-Francoise Sagan


• I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
-Emo Philips


• Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie. -William Shakespeare


• I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.
-Joan Rivers


• My girlfriend told me that she was seeing another man. I told her to rub her eyes.
-Emo Philips


• To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you're impotent. She can't wait to disprove it.
-Cary Grant


• The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
~Gloria Leonard


• A girl's legs are her best friends...but even the best of friends must part.
-Redd Foxx


• When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein


• I was told that when you hit forty men stop looking at you. It's true, until you slip on a mini-skirt.
-Mariella Frostrup


• A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
-Ronald Knox


• Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb.
-Yul Brynner


• It's the good girls who keep the diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
-Tallulah Bankhead


• I'm too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don't know.
-Garry Shandling


• A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. -Chauncey Mitchell Depew


• It is only rarely that one can see in a little boy the promise of a man, but one can almost always see in a little girl the threat of a woman.
-Alexandre Dumas


• The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.
-Margaret Smith


• Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.


• Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
-Bob Rubin


• We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time. -Arthur Hoppe

15 comments:

tanay said...

SIMPLY SUPERB
ULTIMATELY GREAT

COOL STUFF


BUT I HAVE A SMALL REQUEST
I WANT ONE LINERS ON IMAGES SO THAT I CAN PUT THEM ON MY SNAP ON ORKUT PLZ CAN YOU SEND ME SOME ON MY EMAIL ID
IT WILL BE REALLLY GRATEFULL OF YOU

tanay said...

GREAT WORK
ULTIMATELY COOL
I LOVED IT

carbon said...

thanx for the comments, but i need ur email id for that

BoonDock said...

LOVE IT! I will be back to see updates!!!!!

carbon said...

thanx... would be updating on it in a few days..
till then do check out "graffiti" ..

Manish Sharma said...

Gr8 Collection !!!

Amlan said...

Awesome!!

I really laughed a lot!!

Anonymous said...

kool stuff

Anonymous said...

Cool Quotes. Never seen so many at one place. Keep up the good work...

shilpa said...

i got up frm my sleep.......it was great fun and to laugh.....

shilpa said...

Awesome ones

nitin said...

WHOA!!
SUPER STUFF GUYS!!
GET US SOME MORE OF THE ULTIMATE ONE LINERS...

hina said...

if u will rest u will rust.

Daphne said...

Very cool, keep up the good work!!

Daphne said...

Great stuff, keep up the good work!!