Quotes by Mark Twain

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
-Mark Twain

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
-Mark Twain

“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
-Mark Twain

“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
-Mark Twain

“An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.”
-Mark Twain

“Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.” -Mark Twain

“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
-Mark Twain

“By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's I mean.”
-Mark Twain

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
-Mark Twain

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”
-Mark Twain

“Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
-Mark Twain

“Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
-Mark Twain

“Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
-Mark Twain

“Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.”
-Mark Twain

“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”
-Mark Twain

“Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.”
-Mark Twain

“Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
-Mark Twain

“Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”
-Mark Twain

“Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”
-Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.”
-Mark Twain

“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
-Mark Twain

“I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”
-Mark Twain

“I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.”
-Mark Twain

“I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”
-Mark Twain

“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.”
-Mark Twain

“I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
-Mark Twain

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
-Mark Twain

“I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”
-Mark Twain

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”
-Mark Twain

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.”
-Mark Twain

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.”
-Mark Twain

“If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.”
-Mark Twain

“In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.”
-Mark Twain

“In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.”
-Mark Twain

“In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”
-Mark Twain

“It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.”
-Mark Twain

“It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.” -Mark Twain

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
-Mark Twain

“It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.”
-Mark Twain

“It is easier to stay out than get out.”
-Mark Twain

“It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.”
-Mark Twain

“It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.”
-Mark Twain

“Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.”
-Mark Twain

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
-Mark Twain

“Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.”
-Mark Twain

“Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”
-Mark Twain

“Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.”
-Mark Twain

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
-Mark Twain

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”
-Mark Twain

“Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”
-Mark Twain

“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” -Mark Twain

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” -Mark Twain

“The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.”
-Mark Twain

“The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.”
-Mark Twain

“The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.”
-Mark Twain

“The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.”
-Mark Twain

“The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.” -Mark Twain

“The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.” -Mark Twain

“The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.”
-Mark Twain