Santa Banta Jokes

Santa falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finally
writes a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.”

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
tongue.?
Santa: Very long!

Santa: Mom, last night when I opened the toilet door, the light went on itself.
Mother: Idiot, you again peed in the refrigerator!

While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here.

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.

Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the
board.

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u’ll die.
Santa: U’ll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?”
Santa: He’s not studying, they are studying him!

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

What’s Ford?
Santa: Car.
What’s Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Car driven by Ox

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s
cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes
first - the chicken or the egg?
“Depends on the sequence in which 1 places the order”

Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I
breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash ?”

Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.

Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions

An englishman and santa inside the toilet. Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do!

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out

Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?"
Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library."
Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & coke?"

Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!

Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats.

Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

Why did santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.

Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.

Santa: I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

Little Johny Jokes

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."



Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."
The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"
Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."



Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"



Little Johnny sees his mother walk out of the shower and sees her vagina.
He asks her what it is and she embarassed replies, "Oh, that's mommy's black sponge."
A few days later, Johnny spills a glass of milk on the floor and says, "Mommy, I need your black sponge to mop up the milk!"
She replies, "I lost it, honey."
A couple of days later, he comes running up to her and says, "Mommy, I found your black sponge!" Mystified, she says, "Where, honey?"
Little Johnny says, "It's over at Mrs. Johnson's house, and Daddy's washing his face in it!"



Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."



Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"
"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.
Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech.
At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech.
Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech!
If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"



Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"



Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."


"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not!" answered his mother.
"If you do," Little Johnny went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. "Well? what did he say?"
"He said, 'Hey, Juanita, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow.'"



Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out ... "Okay everyone in the house, please stand advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex-education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!"



A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"



One day the teacher walked to the back of the room where Johnny was, and he had his hand down his pants.
The Teacher asked, "Johnny, what are you doing?"
Then, Johnny said, "It hurts down there."
"Well then, you need to go to the nurse and see if you can go home", said the teacher.
A little while later, Johnny came back to classroom and sat back down.
Then the teacher came to the back of the room again, and he had his dick haging out of his pants.
The teacher said, "Johnny, what's that doing hanging out of your pants?!"
Then Johnny said, "My mommy said if I can stick it out until noon, she'll come and pick me up."



The teacher says, "Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it."
Claude says, "Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework."
The teacher says, "Very good, Claude."
Mary says, "The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain." The teacher says, "Very good, Mary."
She calls on Little Johnny in the back.
Johnny says, "Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna pee on the piano."



Little Johnny goes to his father and asks, "Dad, is god a man or a woman?"
His Dad replies, "Johnny, both. God is both."
Johnny asks, "Dad, is god black or white?'
His Dad says, "Both. God is both."
Ok, then Johnny asks, "Dad, is Michael Jackson God?"




Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag
She reaches her hand in it and says it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf.
Little Johnny raises his hand and says it's an apple, it's an apple.
Then he says now let me give you one.
He reaches his hand in his pocket and says it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head.
The teacher says Ohh Johnny that's grose.
Little Johnny says no it's a quarter but I like the way you're thinking.